You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
