I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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