If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
