this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
