she woke up with a sticky ear
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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