Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
