he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
