i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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