today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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