dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
