Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
