Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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