She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
