Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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