I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
