it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
