she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
