I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
