I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
