Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
