There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
