Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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