I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
