I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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