She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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