you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
