just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
