Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
