Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
