She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
