I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
