tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
