I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
