'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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