like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
