Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
