Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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