he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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