I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
