So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
