At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
