This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think i got beer on your cat.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
