youre lurking in front of me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
