yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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