4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
