I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
