Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
