I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
