You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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