Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
