We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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