dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
