Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
