I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
