the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
