He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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